I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
