I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
