Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
