whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
two words: eviction party
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
