My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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