David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i drank out of a bidet.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
