it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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