No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The uberlube is also flammable
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
