I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
