Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
