Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My penis needs a shock collar
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
