i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
