just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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