theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
