Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
