We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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