2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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