sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
