Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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