I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
