i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
