Kiss
Puke
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
