She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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