My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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