I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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