meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
