you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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