Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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