Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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