You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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