i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
