i need an iv and a liver transplant
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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