New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
