if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
