she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
How external is "for external use only"?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
