I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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