I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
