Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
