If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I supernannyed him into submission
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
