That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
