if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
