wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
