that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
