4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
