Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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