I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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