i wish semen tasted like chocolate
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So squirting runs in the family.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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