i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
