Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
