I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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