fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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