I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
