I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
