Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
