I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
thus making me awesome and them whores
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
