My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
