i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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