Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
